I Promise to Remain Pure

"Thou shalt not commit adultery." Ex. 20:14

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_Marriage is the ultimate act of interpersonal commitment. Of all the human relationships, this is the most sacred. Like waters (Prov. 5:15) it must be kept pure. Some relationships are biological, or political, or economic. Marriage is spiritual. It involves faith, and hope, and love. Even in places where men have attempted to secularize it, marriage is a most important covenant and a social contract. It is the glue of any society. Any civilization that takes marriage vows lightly is corrupt. And to those who are attempting to re-define "marriage" in regard to both, gender and biological genius, we can only say that God is the author of the institution. No one has a right to twist or rearrange an author's words or meaning, and any attempt at tampering will produce poor results.

Marriage as God intended it to be is found in the Garden of Eden. Eden was the closest thing to paradise this world has ever known. There, Adam discovered himself to be made in the image of God. He also discovered that "it is not good for man to be alone." Marriage was God's idea. God made for man a partner and a "help meet." This "help meet" was a helper perfectly fitted and suited to man.

Everyone grows up looking for love. Little girls play bride while wrapped in sheets or wearing a white dress (the western symbol of virgin purity) and marching down an imaginary aisle. There is laughter and giggles among a gaggle of little girls as they discuss "being in love" and all the romance that surrounds it. Even boys come to a time when the smile of one special young lady suddenly changes everything.

Even in cultures where "love" is not part of the social equation at the beginning, and marriages are arranged, it must eventually develop if the marriage is to survive. Yes, two families are united along with two individuals and society grows gracefully from the marriage altar. Destroy marriage as a sacred social institution and you undermine the very foundations of civilization.

The broken home has left the community in ruins. Our inner cities are teeming with fatherless youth and are forced to grow up without either moral map or compass. Young men spawn offspring with little concept of commitment, and less thought of consequence. Young, fatherless girls look for the hope of love in their own motherhoods, only to find the burdens of children bearing children is much heavier than they ever imagined.

Most of the crime, evil, and sorrow we read about in the newspapers can be traced a broken home. Most in prison, or in poverty, or caught in drug addiction, as well as school drop-outs, or the victim of a violent crime come from a broken homes. Although we have heard many heroic stories of brave "single moms" overcoming the odds and obstacles to send their children to college or going on to success these are the exception rather than the rule, and certainly not the ideal. It is true that a bird with a broken wing may fly again, but it will never fly as high or as far as it might have before.

With half the population having gone through the horrible experience of divorce, it is tempting

The seventh commandment is a moral lighthouse that warns of the most treacherous and jagged of rocks. Few marriages which run aground here survive. This rocky place is adultery.

While the seriousness of some sins seem to be called into question by those who consider themselves modern, enlightened and sophisticated, this sin of adultery sobers all who are touched by it. No sin hurts more than this one. Even death is less painful than this ultimate act of betrayal.

This brings us to a simple and important conviction: Marriage is a promise I must keep. To those who thought they understood the seventh commandment, Jesus raised the bar higher. The Pharisees once dragged a woman before him and accused her of committing adultery, having taken her, they said, "in the very act." It is a shameful story. They insisted that Jesus pass judgment on her and agree with Moses, who said that "such should be stoned." Jesus' answer delivered, not only her, but himself from a band of hypocrites. "Let him who is without sin, cast the first stone." One by one they dropped their rocks and walked away. Christ is in no way minimizing morality or dispensing "cheap grace." He warned the contrite and humbled woman to "go and sin no more." Adultery is a serious thing.

Christ taught that adultery was not merely an act of the body, but one of the spirit. He said " he who looks on a woman, to lust after her, has committed adultery already with her in his heart. Actually, that is where all sin starts. That is why salvation is not achieved by outward conformity to a commandment, but is the result of an Amazing Grace that converts us from within.

Real faith (faith in the sacrifice of Christ paying the ultimate price for my sins) calls me to faithfulness. Adultery is a failure of faithfulness. Consider all the heart-pain and hurt adultery has caused on the betrayed party and you begin to get a sense (in measure), of the brokenness of the heart of God as He looked on Israel and said "I have seen thine adulteries" (Jer. 13:27). Theologians like to call this "Spiritual Adultery" as if adultery can be categorized into kinds and types. I don't think it can. Adultery is the worst kind of betrayal. It violates the soul that made itself vulnerable by opening the gates of its heart to let in a friend, only to find that friend played the part of an enemy. Adultery, not only misused the trust that allowed one to enter into sacred courts, but it has trampled on trust and defiled some holy court in a holy temple.

The Bible contains many lamentations to the waywardness of an unfaithful nation, to her adultery. From Hosea weeping over Gomer's infidelity, to Jesus speaking about an evil and an adulterous generation, God is pained by our unfaithfulness.

While no one is perfect and all contribute to the problems in any marriage, there is usually one who breaks the sacred vow not realizing they have driven a cold hard spike into their partner's heart.

The pain caused by such a severe betrayal should make us much more compassionate to the victim rather than to the violator. Much of the cavalier attitude that calls for us to brush all criticism aside and avoid any judgment of the guilty usually comes from the side that should feel the most guilty. Many lobby for the lowering of God's standards.

Adultery is always listed among the grossest of sins (1Cor. 6:9). The debate about divorce and the law of marriage often misses the spiritual implications of adultery. A balanced view might be found in comparing Deut. 23:21 and Deut. 24:1. Marriage was never intended to be a prison or a poison, instead it was God's plan. Marriage was designed to bless mankind, guard civilization, and guide procreation.

The question of the seventh commandment is one of faithfulness. We all understand the danger of unfaithfulness in other areas. What if a clock was unfaithful and unreliable, or the breaks on an automobile were suspect, or promissory note not so certain? So too is the importance of faithfulness in marriage. Ultimately, marriage must be based on trust and faith. Faith is always based on a word or a promise. When that word is not kept, or that promise is broken, the marriage is broken. When this trust has been so mortally wounded by adultery, it seldom survives. If it survives, it seldom fully recovers. And if it fully recovers it is only because of a miracle of grace.

The model or standard for marriage is not found in Moses or on Mount Sinai, but in the message and ministry of Jesus. If we want to know the standard of God with regard to marriage we must listen to Jesus who said, "what God hath joined together let no man put asunder." Even higher, and beyond this warning, is the perfect paradigm "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it." Anything less than that is settling for less than the Lord intended marriage to be.

If someone has failed in marriage, I can only remind them that God is a God of Grace. If broken people run to God, rather than from Him, He can heal the broken hearted. Rather than defend and become and advocate for divorce, how much better to become an advocate for marriage as a holy and sacred institution and a vow nothing less than a promise I must keep.

Marriage can be a little piece of Paradise as I have written in another booklet on this subject. Here I will just say that there are three important elements involved in finding marital paradise. They were all found in Eden: Companionship, Stewardship, and Worship. Worship must be first however. There can be no paradise without God. Remove God from Paradise (fail to worship) and Paradise become the "other place." The second ingredient is Companionship. Man needs love. Remove love and heaven itself becomes hell. God is love. Third, life must have meaning and man must have a mission, or what's the point? Life is a stewardship. Man must find a purpose for living greater than himself. Stated another way, and in a more common sense, Man must have 1) something to believe in 2) something to do 3) someone to love. When two people have found these three, they have found Paradise.

Here is some practical advice for couples who are looking for Paradise or marital bliss. Here is some help, even for someone who is crawling out of the smoldering ruins of a broken marriage or adultery.

First, Look for God. Look for Him in His Holy Bible. He said "And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart" Jer. 29:13. Find Him and Worship. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life, no man cometh unto the Father but by me" Jn. 14:6.

Second, learn to love. What we experienced initially and called love was so natural and spontaneous that we were probably unconscious of "what we were doing" when we were "in love." Even if love is gone, we can make love again, from scratch. The recipe is in 1Cor. 13. Here it is in brief:

1) Be Patient- Don't be in a hurry. Impatience is not conducive to love or lasting relationships. Impatience kills love.

2) Be Kind- Kindness can make love where there is none. Don't kick the dog if you want him to wan his tail.

3) Be Generous- Love always wants to give more.

4) Be Humble- Pride expects, demands, and takes things for granted. Don't be proud.

5) Be Courteous- Say "please, thank you, excuse me, you first."

6) Be Unselfish- Love "seeketh not its own."

7) Be Easy Going- Don't be easily provoked. Don't be thin-skinned.

8) Think the Best- Think pure, ascribe the highest motives, and use praise

9) Be Sincere- Love cannot live without it. Trust needs truth.

10) Be Gracious- Overlook faults

11) Believe in the Person- Because "with God nothing is impossible."

12) Be Optimistic

13) Don't Give Up

Third, Even in Paradise there was something to do. Adam was in charge of "keeping" the garden. As a married couple find God's will and do it. God has a sacred calling for every couple. Some mission, some ministry, some task to be done. Finding and doing it will not please God, and help preserve paradise, it will make the world a more beautiful place.

While the harlot claims "stolen waters are sweet" (Prov. 9:17), the spiritual man knows that they are in fact bitter (Prov. 5:4, Rev. 8:11). The Bible speaks of the intimacy of marriage as "drinking water out of thy own cistern" (Prov. 5:15). Jerusalem had no great water way like other great cities of the world. Jerusalem had cisterns. While they prayed that God would keep them full, they understood that it was up to them to keep them pure.